Same Job, Different Time and Place [R-18] - Part 4

While he was still rather angry with Arthur, Alfred also just wanted to hold him close. After all, no matter how angry he was, he was still frightened and exhausted. He needed the affection more for himself than for Arthur to be quite honest.

He gave Arthur a tired look but he just kept on stroking Arthur's hair.

The nurse frowned, obviously looking not too pleased at this time of the day.

"Mr Kirkland. If you want to avoid this again, keep your job and get better, then rehab is the only option."

Alfred just sighed.

"Arthur...you'll need to."

Arthur's frown deepened as the nurse spoke to him so curtly.

“Unlike you, nurse, I have been before and it is not a place that I wish to revisit. If you cared to show some sort of emotion in your work, you might understand that not everything is black and white. So, if you’re quite finished insulting me and taking whatever notes you need, then I would greatly like for you to leave and infect other patients with your misery,” he snapped back. “I would like to be alone with my visitor. I’m feeling a lot better.”

The nurse rolled her eyes and her lips were pressed thinly together.

"If you didn't want to revisit it, then you shouldn't have gotten yourself here."

And with that she quickly turned around and left, muttering about what time of the morning it was to deal with patients like Arthur.

Alfred just sighed at that and he got more comfortable in his chair.

"How are you feeling?"

Arthur mouthed ‘cunt’ at her retreating back and removed the mask from his face. He didn’t feel the need to use it anymore. He could breathe perfectly fine on his own. He rubbed his forehead tiredly and felt the bandage there. He assumed that he must have hurt himself when he collapsed but he’d fill in the blanks later. He felt much more alert now, surprisingly. He just felt exhausted.

“Like I’ve had too much of a good thing and almost died,” he bit out. “How do you think I feel, Alfred? I feel like shit.” And he felt ashamed.

Alfred didn't look very amused with Arthur's words and he just pulled his hand away.

"I got that much already!"

He sighed and went quiet, sinking back in his chair. He should have expected Arthur to act like this towards him but it still felt terrible getting his lover's bite after he went all the way from Florida to New York for him.

He rubbed at his eyes.

Arthur huffed and tried to pull himself into a sitting position but regretted it when all of the tubes in his arms were tugged painfully, and just lay down again. He didn’t really know what to say to Alfred. He probably had a lot of questions and he knew that whilst he was conscious, he was going to be subjected to them.

“Where are we?” he knew it was a stupid question but he didn’t really have a clue.

Alfred didn't want to ask too many questions right now, especially considering that Arthur just woke up but his head was brimming with them and about to bubble over. He kept quiet about his curiosities though. He would have enough time to truly ask Arthur about everything that was going on.

"We're at the hospital in New York."

He sighed and crossed his arms.

Arthur made a soft sound to let Alfred know that he’d heard.

“What date is it?”

Alfred just frowned even more and he kept his gaze on Arthur.

"The 12th of June."

He paused before sighing.

"...Why the hell were you doing cocaine? How long has this been going on, Arthur?"

Arthur made a face. He’d gone to the party on the 10th, so he’d been out for a whole day? Wow. It was quite a scary thought that he could so suddenly be plunged into a blackness that he may have never recovered from. He could have died and left Alfred behind, without having seen him for so long and that made him feel guilty. He would have left Alfred alone. Would he have been alright? Well, of course he wouldn’t have been alright at first but would he have ever loved again? What would his mother say? And Matthew, Katyusha? Gilbert, Francis, Kiku, Ludwig, Feliciano, Elizabeta? His own family…

He was pulled from his thoughts as Alfred asked him what he did. He drew in a deep breath and exhaled. It was only a matter of time before Alfred would have found out. Arthur looked at the opposite side of the room, away from Alfred.

“Since February,” Arthur murmured. “I think, at least. When Gilbert threw a party, I met some guys that knew a dealer and I…” he looked very uncomfortable and his voice grew quieter as he seemed to shrink into himself. “I did weed with them but I was… really lonely and I wanted to ease the pain. It was alright at first but when you came back for my birthday, I just…” he bit his lip hard. “I couldn’t cope being away from you anymore. I thought that maybe if I kept taking it, time would move faster and the year would just fly by but it didn’t and it made me miserable.”

He wrapped one of his arms over the front of his body, clutching on to his other bicep, sort of shielding himself.

“Is that what you want to hear?” he scowled, trying to keep his voice level.

If Arthur actually had died, Alfred wouldn't have known what to do with himself. He would have been absolutely devastated and he would have probably blamed himself for Arthur's death if that came to pass.

He just frowned and clutched at the sheets, trying to keep himself calm and composed. It was so hard though.

"...Why didn't you just tell me you were lonely? Arthur...you're far more important than my job ever is. I've wanted this job since I was a young child but...you were an unexpected appearance in my adult life and I value you more than any job or place or lifestyle."

Alfred let out a shuddered sigh.

"Of course it's not what I want to hear but I know it's the truth."

Arthur tensed and felt his temper rise.

“Alfred, that’s exactly why I couldn’t tell you. I shouldn’t be in the way of your hopes and dreams. We should be a team, but I’m just always in the bloody way. It’s so important to me that you succeed and you do everything you want to because I want you to be able to look at me when we’re in our eighties and tell Matthew’s grandkids that you had an excited, fulfilled life and after years of waiting, you had your dream.” Arthur could feel his chest becoming tight.

“I couldn’t tell you I was lonely. I am lonely. I miss you. But you are more important to me than my own feelings.”

Alfred sighed and he soon leant forward so he could gently caress Arthur's cheek.

"I missed you too. And I did have my dream. I still have it." He looked at his lover quietly. "I wasn't happy down there without you either."

He gave him a small yet hesitant smile.

"I already yelled at you. ...Don't worry about me right now though. What we have to worry about is getting you better. I'll be here with you."

He was quiet for a long moment.

"And I'll be staying here with you."

Arthur tensed. That was not what he wanted to hear, but it was. He looked across to Alfred and frowned in confusion.

“What do you mean?” he didn’t look happy. He didn’t like the fact that Alfred was calm. He wanted him to be angry, like earlier. It was easier to deal with anger than kindness. “Alfred, what do you mean?” he repeated, less patient than normal.

Alfred didn't have the energy to be angry anymore. He was probably just as tired as Arthur. He spent so much of his time being worried about Arthur's condition and their situation.

He knew Arthur wouldn't be happy and to be honest, he wasn't happy either but it became necessary. He had to do it.

"...I quit my job, Arthur. I'm moving my things back up into the flat here. I'm staying here so you can recover."

“What?!” Arthur shouted, unintentionally but nonetheless, he wasn’t happy. “Alfred, you worked so hard for that job. You spent so many years in education. I am not worth that. No one is. It’s your dream, not some teenage wetdream. You can’t give up now, or you’ll never get to do the job you want to. I don’t want to be responsible for that kind of unhappiness, Alfred.”

His anger dissipated into sadness.

Alfred just narrowed his eyes and tried to keep himself calm but it was getting rather hard to do so.

"I know I did! It's not like it was an easy choice to make! But I couldn't just stay back in Florida when I heard you were in critical condition and I hear from other people that you're becoming worse and worse! My job isn't what makes me happy! It's you!"

He swallowed thickly.

"You're the man I want to marry, Arthur. Making sure you're safe and happy brings me one of the biggest joys in my life. Being away from you was driving me crazy. I was just as lonely as you and just as miserable."

He rubbed at his eyes.

"...I was extremely miserable. I came up here out of my own selfishness also," He admitted softly.

Arthur was torn by Alfred’s words. He felt like it was his fault that this had happened. Well, it was his fault and there was no denying that but Alfred had given up a huge opportunity. Arthur was pretty sure that Alfred’s family wouldn’t forgive Arthur for it, either. He’d ruined their golden boy, tainted him with homosexuality and killed his dreams.

He heaved a sigh and watched as Alfred rubbed at his eyes. It made his own eyes sting again. He covered his face with his palm so Alfred wouldn’t see him crying. He always cried.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

While Alfred did know that it was partially Arthur's fault for this, he knew he couldn't stay angry at him for too long. After all, it was his decision to leave his job.

He wasn't going to say that it was alright because he knew that Arthur wouldn't like that.

But he knew that he wasn't tainted nor that all of his dreams were killed. He just reached forward to gently try pushing Arthur's hand out of his face.

"Don't cry," He whispered softly. "We have to focus on helping you first. I'm here now."

Arthur pulled away from Alfred’s touch, still trying to hide his face, similar to how he once might have done to try to hide his smile from the other.

“What else am I supposed to do?” he asked morosely. “I’m sad, Alfred. I’m really sad.” Despite this, he sniffed and tried to wipe at his eyes to dry them. “And I feel horrible.”

Alfred just sighed and instead carded his hand through the other's hair again, hoping that he could at least be somewhat reassuring.

"There's not much else we can do. How about you get some more rest though?" He asked softly, rather tired and just wanting to get more sleep. What he wanted more than that though was to pull the man closer to himself and just hold him close for nights and nights and nights.

"We'll talk more about it when you're feeling a bit better."

Arthur stared up at him stubbornly (tearily) and shuddered before relenting. He nodded and settled on his pillow, his whole body still aching.

“I love you,” he told him uselessly. “Please don’t believe otherwise… go home and rest. I’ll still be here tomorrow. And the day after.”

Alfred just quietly nodded and he looked down at him before leaning forward to kiss his cheek.

"I love you too. I'll come back tomorrow."

With that, he finally stood up and he gave him a small smile before finally getting up to leave. He shot him one last look before leaving the hospital room and back to the flat.

Arthur didn’t turn away or give him a scathing comment or the like. He was just quiet until Alfred got out of the room and for a while, stared emptily up at the hospital room ceiling. He could feel sleep calling him and knew it was probably for the best. But he was going to make that nurse’s shift hell for being a bitch and judging someone she knew nothing about. It would be entertaining, at least.

Alfred continued on visiting Arthur every day and in fact he spent most of his time in the hospital with him. After all, he was now unemployed (unfortunately) and he had too much free time on his hands though at times he was occupied with making sure everything got back from Florida to New York. They would also have to save up money now considering that they would have to put Arthur through a rehab program.

But he also knew that he still had to convince his lover to actually go. He already started researching centres that were nearby and he found a few that might have been good for Arthur.

It was a week later that he came back in and he just shot Arthur a smile, a bag in his hand as he came to sit down at the chair.

"Hey Arthur."