To Serve And Protect. [R18]

Arthur argued with Alfred for a little while longer before conceding defeat and putting his wallet away. It was all for show anyway. If Alfred had given in, he’d have smacked him over the head and declared the date over. Or maybe not anything anywhere near as extreme, but still, they had to set an example for Braginsky. He’d just pay his partner back later, as agreed. “All right, you win this time,” he agreed, secretly liking the forceful way that Alfred spoke.

Yao was so cheap. Couldn’t he see that Braginsky was trying his best? Braginsky nodded eagerly though. “Of course I will pay,” he said happily. He seemed to be taking it as a victory, as if by making it through dinner he’d proved his worth to Yao. Arthur wasn’t sure that that was the case.

Alfred and Braginsky split the bill while Arthur was left to stand with Yao. He shifted a bit before asking, “so how long have you two been together?” He wasn’t really expecting a civil answer from the Chinese man, but figured that it couldn’t hurt to make an effort.

The other two came back and they parted ways to drive to the drive-in cinema. Arthur once again passed his keys over to Alfred. They may as well be consistent. It was only a short drive and when they reached they began discussing which movie to see. The selection was limited, but Alfred and Braginsky seemed to be happily browsing the synopses of the films. Personally Arthur didn’t think that an action film would be suitable for a date, but they were all men and it wasn’t as if they were about to all subject themselves to a romantic comedy… even if Arthur secretly loved watching that type of film every now and then.

“How about this one?” Braginsky asked at last, pointing to a horror film. The poster showed the silhouette of a tall, skinny girl in front of an old, run-down house. Arthur wrinkled his nose at it. That film couldn’t possibly be scary; it looked like a cheap B-grade production.

Yao crosses his arm as he waits for the other two to finish paying. He glances over at them impatiently before he hears Arthur's question. He looks a bit surprised by quickly covers it up with a suspicious look. "We have known each other for a long time. It is only recently that he has started to act this way though."

Before any more can be said the other two are back with them and they are walking out to the cars. Alfred takes the keys without complaint this time and they are soon at the drive in.

As they are picking movies eventually Alfred agrees not to pick a action but he's not about to watch a chick flick either. At least not is no one else wants to.

He looks at the movie Ivan is suggesting and pauses for a moment as his face goes pale. "Ah..A horror movie huh? Yeah ok! That looks cool." Alfred forces a big smile on his face turning to Arthur. "What do you think babe?" It'll be alright. It's just going to be him and Arthur in the care, nothing scary about that Alfred tells himself. Gotta be brave!.

"Yes, let's try that one," Arthur said distractedly, still reading the other posters. Actually, none of the films here looked better than the others, so as long as it wasn't a brainless action film then he was fine. They paid the entry fees and drove the cars into the allotted car park. 

"I hope you're not afraid of ghosts," Arthur commented, knowing that the American couldn't possibly harbour such a fear. He unbuckled his seatbelt and fiddled with the radio until he reached the assigned wavelength. Immediately, a low eerie tune flowed through the speakers. Arthur ignored it and glanced over at Braginsky's car. He was mildly horrified to find Braginsky watching their moves closely and clumsily copying. 

"Here, push the back of your seat down a bit. We'll sit in the back together," he told his partner. He pushed down his own seat-back down about half way, enough so that they could easily see over the top of it but still had plenty of leg-room. Once they were both seated in the back, Arthur curled up on the seat and leant against Alfred, drawing his partner's arm around his body. 

The opening credits had just finished playing by that point and Arthur tried to relax in Alfred's arms, ignoring the Russian in the car nearby. 

Alfred chuckles at Arthur's joke as he turns off the car's engine. "What? No, of course not." He says with a wave of his hand. Then he hears the eerie music and grabs onto Arthur's shoulder quickly. It's just the radio though and he shrugs it off as best he can.

"Oh? ok." Alfred says at the request before getting the idea. He slips into the back seat and puts the front one down. As Arthur snuggles up against him he pulls him close with one arm. "This was a good idea, much more comfy back here, don't cha think?" He says eyes focused on Arthur, giving him a look. Mostly because he could tell the movie was starting and he really was afraid to look at the screen. He didn't want to look like a fool in front of Arthur. He'd probably laugh if he knew Alfred's weakness for horror movies. So he keeps his eyes away, casually glancing over at Ivan and Yao, who seemed to still be mimicking them.

Finally he let's his eyes slip over at the screen and okay it's not so bad but that girl really shouldn't go in that door and..As something jumps so does Alfred, instinctively pulling on Arthur so that the man nearly get's hoisted into his lap.

“Mmm,” Arthur hummed in agreement, “very comfortable.” It was dark in the car, and Arthur allowed himself a moment to imagine what it would be like if this was a real date. First off, they’d sit there and watch the first ten minutes or so of the movie, cuddling with each other. Eventually, they’d end up touching, growing less and less innocent as the movie went on. Then they’d snog, and Arthur would end up straddling the American’s lap and Alfred’s hands would be diving under his shirt and stroking their way up his bare back—

He shook his head slightly. That wouldn’t happen. Not tonight. Very likely not ever. He stared at the screen glumly as the male lead appeared and grasped the girl’s hand tightly, vowing to keep her safe. Would Alfred mind if they held hands? But then again, Braginsky wouldn’t be able to see whether they were holding hands or not so it was kind of unnecessary, right? Unless Alfred wanted to try holding hands. But they’d held hands before… Oh, what a dilemma.

Before he knew it, the silly girl opened a door and something jumped out at her. At first Arthur thought he’d jumped too, from the shock maybe, but suddenly found himself pulled into Alfred’s lap as the American clutched at him tightly. “Alfred… Are you…” he tried to say, but stopped himself. He didn’t need to ask. He’d only be embarrassing his partner, and besides, it was obvious.

Alfred was terrified.

He could feel how the American’s entire body was tense, and his arms were gripping the Briton tightly to his chest. Arthur allowed himself a grin. Alfred’s fear was just too endearing. “It’s okay,” he said, patting Alfred’s arm comfortingly. He hesitatingly voiced one of his earlier thoughts, under the guise of a jab. “Do you want me to hold your hand?”

"What?" Alfred asks at Arthur's half question. "I'm not..scared or anything." He says whiling pointedly not looking at the screen but down at Arthur's shoulder in front of him. He could hear enough from the radio to know what was going on anyways, he told himself.

He has to look up and find Arthur's face though once he pats him on the shoulder. He seemed to be smiling. Great, just how lame did he make himself look in front of his partner. Someone he just might have a crush on now. Oh yes, and there was the added worry of Ivan lurking just near by as well.

At the jab Alfred frowns. Did he really need to make fun of him..unless he was serious. Maybe he could take it as a chance.

He simply nods to Arthur and reaches for his hand, gripping it tightly in his. He feels a bit better now..Maybe he can look back up at the movie. He glances up and peeks at the screen trying to tough it out because he's a man. It would be silly if he couldn't finish a movie just because it scared him.

Arthur's heart sped up as Alfred accepted his offer and gripped his hand tightly. Looking at the American would have made things to awkward, so Arthur focussed on the large screen in front of the car and watched disinterestedly as the male lead shielded the girl, and lost three fingers in the process. Fake blood splattered the girl's dress and she screamed loudly. Arthur felt an overwhelming urge to roll his eyes and maybe take a nap. 

He peeked over at the other car and was pleased to see that Braginsky was engrossed in the film. The hulking Russian had pulled Yao onto his lap and was treating the Chinaman as his own personal teddy bear -- probably much the same as Alfred was treating Arthur himself at the moment. Arthur turned away to give them privacy and tentatively leaned his head against Alfred's broad chest. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend...

Arthur ignored all the eerie sounds coming through his speakers and concentrated on Alfred's heartbeat instead. This was the closest he'd ever get to dating Alfred Jones, so he may as well make the most of it. He gave a soft, wistful sigh and held onto Alfred's hand tightly, as if by doing that he could prolong the night. 

Alfred closes his eyes tightly again as the blood is shown on screen. Funny, as a officer of the law blood didn't bother him on crime scenes but in movies it was horrifying. No matter how unrealistic it was.

Alfred thought less and less about Ivan and Yao being in the car next to them and more about clinging onto Arthur like he was the only thing keeping him from curling up and hiding.

He shifts a bit, moving so that he could lean his head down onto Arthur's shoulder and bury his face there. Breathing in the scent of his clothes was comforting and he takes a few deep breaths there. Arthur just felt so nice against him. He wishes that he could have him this close when they weren't pretending.

Which makes him think. It's funny how in public they act compared to how when alone in their dorm they are. Arthur always seems so distant when they are alone. He wishe he could change that, just a little. He turns his head a nuzzles against Arthur just a little. Just enough if confronted he might be able to say it was an accident.

The poltergiest finally made its appearance, much to the terror of the two main characters. Arthur continued watching for lack of anything else to do, until he felt Alfred nuzzling his shoulder. “A-Alfred?” he breathed, wondering if it had been on purpose. But of course Alfred would want to experiment with his newly-discovered homosexuality, especially since they were in the dark. No one else would ever know. And if he didn’t like it, all the American had to do was request a change of partner at the station. Everyone knew how hard Arthur was to work with, so no questions would be asked. And Arthur… as long as he knew that this wasn’t serious, it was okay, right? As long as he didn’t expect anything from Alfred, it was all right. Slowly, he nuzzled back. His lips found Alfred’s jaw by accident, and he drew back slightly.

“It’s all right,” he whispered. “You can, if you like. I don’t mind. I know you’re confused. You can try it out. I won’t tell.” I won’t hope, he told himself desperately. I can’t hope. That’s not fair to Alfred. Slowly, he gripped both of Alfred’s hands and straddled him. He was being selfish, he knew. He wanted Alfred’s touch, even if it didn’t mean anything. “Go on,” he urged softly, leaning down.

Alfred's head nearly shoots up at the returned nuzzle from Arthur. He hadn't been expecting that or the lips that graze the side of his mouth. His face turns scarlet in the dark of the car.

"Confused? Try out? What do you-!!" Alfred finds it hard to question further as Arthur turns to straddles his lap and all that's in front of him is Arthur, blocking the screen from view along with everything else. He doesn't care what's playing in the movie anymore and his terror is replaced with something making his heart beat even faster then before.

"If..your sure." Alfred says a bit unsure before he leans up the rest of the way. He stops just before their lips meet as if wondering if Arthur will get mad suddenly and beat him away but he doesn't and he presses a soft kiss to Arthur's lips.

Arthur pressed his lips a little more firmly against Alfred’s before drawing back. He knew it. Alfred was a healthy male, of course he’d want to snog anyone who was willing. “It’s all right,” he whispered again, but whether he was reassuring Alfred or himself, he didn’t know. He licked Alfred’s ear, tracing the shell of it, before returning to Alfred’s mouth. Arthur parted his lips and let his tongue trace over Alfred’s lips before delving in between them and exploring the warmth of Alfred’s mouth.

He concentrated on the sensations, every sound and movement that Alfred made beneath him, knowing that this would be his only chance. This was the only time Alfred would touch him, and kiss him. Afterwards, Alfred would go and find a man who interested and attracted him, and would learn more while loving that man. It was okay. He could already claim Alfred’s first kiss, even if he couldn’t claim Alfred himself. Arthur shifted a bit and slid one hand up into Alfred’s hair, leaving the other one squeezing Alfred’s hand tightly. He pressed Alfred into the seat and shuffled forward until their groins were almost touching.

Alfred could hardly believe what was happening. He had just kissed Arthur. Granted it wasn't the first time, more like the third of forth but it was the first time both parties had consented to it. Wanted it. Their first REAL kiss as far as Alfred was concerned. As his partner's tongue runs over his ear he shivers and grasps a hold of him tighter. Then their mouths are together again and there's a tongue in his mouth. Alfred almost freaks out at that and has to calm himself taking deep breaths through his nose.

Feeling a bit brave Alfred tests out working his own tongue into Arthur's mouth in return, slowly feeling his way. It wasn't any different then how kissing a girl might have been he imagined. Then again, he never had kissed a girl. He'd only kissed Arthur. At the thought he pulls back slightly. A smile finds it's way to his face as his hands move up Arthur's back, holding him there and secure against him.

They were so close he could feel the body heat between them. Nice and warm and just pleasant. Alfred enjoys it for a moment before he dives back in. He finds that he really enjoys kissing, he wants to do it more often from now on.

Kissing Alfred was even better than Arthur had imagined. Everything was hotter, and the sensations were almost overwhelming. Arthur moaned as Alfred’s tongue tentatively slid into his mouth and allowed it to explore, feeling it move over his own tongue and slip along his teeth. Alfred’s arms were reassuringly solid against his back and Arthur wished, not for the first time, that this was real. That Alfred liked him enough to want to touch him and do these sorts of things voluntarily, with feelings and meaning and…

Arthur forced the thoughts out of his head. It wouldn’t do to ruin his memories of this one encounter with Alfred, with thoughts of what would never happen. He’d savour this for as long as possible, and never bring it up again. Alfred would undoubtedly be embarrassed anyway. Alfred pulled back and for a moment Arthur froze in fear, body tensing as he prepared to flee. Oh God, Alfred hadn’t wanted that, Alfred was disgusted by it, Alfred regretted it—

But then Alfred’s mouth was covering his again and he let out an involuntary whimper of relief. He could hide in this fantasy for a little while longer. He could close his eyes and pretend that Alfred was his and he was Alfred’s, for just a little while longer. Alfred’s arms seemed to pull him even closer and he groaned into his partner’s mouth as their groins brushed against each other’s lightly, his fingers wound tightly in Alfred’s hair.

Between the light friction to his crotch and the Arthur's groan sending vibrations into his throat Alfred nearly melts into the seat. He registers hands in his hair as well and goodness. It felt too good. He wanted to pull Arthur down into the seats with him and..and that wouldn't do at all.

They were still the back of Arthur's car, his undercover cop car to be exact. Plus he had no idea if the movie was about to be ending or not. He tried but couldn't hear the radio over the pounding heartbeats in his head. Plus, what were Ivan and Yao doing? Probably the same thing if the rest of the night was anything to go by. Alfred was supposed to be leading an example for the other couple after all wasn't he.

All these reasons were why he reluctantly unsuctioned his lips from Arthur's. He pulls back feeling spit on the corners of his mouth and has the urge to lick it off. He looked up at Arthur though his bangs, vision a bit fuzzy as his glasses had slipped down his nose. "Should..Shouldn't we..Aren't we going a bit fast?" He says quietly to his partner now turned..er What exactly were they now anyways.

Alfred hadn't exactly asked Arthur to be his boyfriend but anyone could have been fooled in the last few minutes.

Arthur’s heart sank as he slowly registered Alfred’s words. Alfred was just trying to tell him to back off in a nice way. After all, ‘going too fast’ implied a relationship, which was something that they weren’t in. “Oh…” he said, face burning bright red with shame. He’d lost control of himself, so much that Alfred had needed to push him away. His heart was still racing but now he felt like he might very well be ill. Arthur cursed himself for getting too caught up in the moment, for letting himself get carried away. “Oh... Of course—” He scrambled off Alfred’s lap and pressed himself against the door, refusing to meet Alfred’s eyes. “I’m sorry, of course I’ll stop,” he whispered, a strange ache starting up in his chest.

That was that, then. He’d blown his one chance to be held and touched and kissed by Alfred, just because he couldn’t control his enthusiasm. “I…” he couldn’t choke out any words and instead fisted his hands in his own hair and tugged harshly. It never actually meant anything anyway, he told himself sternly. It’s no use getting upset when you always knew that you were just an experiment.

Swallowing hard and trying to forget the sensation of Alfred’s tongue in his mouth, Arthur turned to glance at the film. The screen faded to black and the credits began rolling with some heavy rock music playing in the background. “It’s okay,” he whispered, mainly to himself. He shook his head and fumbled with the lock on the door. His sweaty hands kept slipping. “We should get going,” he said, hating the tremor in his voice. “The film’s finished.”

Alfred hadn't outright meant that Arthur had to jump off of him like he did. "No, it's okay I just.." He reaches out a hand. Arthur almost seemed to be in a hurry to get away from him now. It made Alfred frown. Had he done something wrong. He was inexperienced and new to the idea of being with a man but surely he wasn't..that bad. Or was Arthur angry at him for wanting to go slow. Either way Alfred gave a worried glance at the other before moving to get back in the front seat.

Once again he walked around the car though and held open the passenger door for Arthur. He hopes that would make up for anything a bit. He still had to be the perfect gentleman for now. Their date wasn't technically over until they got back. Even then any illusion of kissing Arthur goodnight at the door wouldn't do as they lived at the same place. Oh well, maybe he could get a goodnight kiss still when they went to bed.

As he get's into the driver's seat again he glances at the screen, all remnants of the scary things inside the movie gone and replaces with a boring black screen with names zooming across it. "Yeah, let's go." He says trying to put a hopeful tone in his voice. He wishes, maybe it had lasted longer. He start the car though and backs out, starting on the way back.

Arthur offered Alfred a weak smile when the American opened the car door for him. That was good. Alfred was acting the same way he’d been acting before they’d started snogging in the back of his car – like a gentleman. That meant that he’d probably drive them back to the dormitory and then that would be it. They’d never bring this up again. Alfred would be satisfied with his experimentation and would be free to go and find a man he was attracted to. These thoughts made his heart ache painfully, but it was what would happen. It was easier to test your homosexuality on someone whom you didn’t care about, so that if you changed your mind you wouldn’t hurt the person you were truly attracted to.

He sat still and silent as Alfred drove them back to the University. Braginsky waved cheerily a few times as they passed each other on the road, and Arthur could barely summon the energy to weakly wave back.

He had to act normal, he decided. He’d known that what had happened back then wouldn’t change anything, so he couldn’t act like he expected it to. It wouldn’t be fair to confuse Alfred further.

When they arrived back on campus, they parted ways with Braginsky and Yao and headed back to the dormitory. Arthur fumbled for something to say, but nothing seemed right. ‘Thanks for the snog, I wish it could’ve actually meant something’? ‘I know that someone like me couldn’t possibly interest someone like you, but…’?

They made it back to their dorm room. Arthur kicked off his shoes and placed them neatly against the wall before biting his lip. “I… Thank you for tonight,” he said, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. He searched for his pajamas and couldn't bring himself to look at his partner. He wasn't sure that he'd be able to control himself if he did.

Alfred said his goodbyes to Ivan and Yao, who both seemed to have a good evening as well thankfully. He kept glancing at Arthur though, there seemed to be something wrong still. He left the subject alone for the moment though.

When they got back to their dorm, Alfred did the same, kicking his shoes off and loosening up in his clothes to relax since the night was pretty much over. He is fussing with his, sitting on the bed when Arthur speaks first. "Of course." Alfred replies simply. The tone of Arthur's voice sounds a bit less them thankful though. "but..is everything okay? You've kinda been sulking since the drive back."

He has to ask. What if Arthur had decided that he didn't like Alfred at all after tonight. Alfred had no reason to believe that Arthur had ever liked him at all like that after all. Maybe it had all been just part of the investigation..just like all the other's Arthur had led Alfred to believe he had done to get things solved.

At that thought Alfred panics a little. Well, there was always one way to see. He had been planning on it anyways. He stands up to put his own pajamas on, turning away for a moment to get dressed while he waits for Arthur to reply.

“Yes, yes,” he sighed as he picked out his pyjamas. “Everything is fine.” For you, at least, so don’t ask any further. “Tonight was absolutely lovely.” If only it had been real. He fled into the bathroom to change his clothes. Arthur knew that Alfred didn’t seem to have any problem changing out in the open but he was uncomfortable with it.

As he changed, Arthur realised that this was the first time he’d wanted someone else, rather than someone wanting him. Wasn’t that supposed to mean something? But he’d already been selfish enough tonight, and it would be even more selfish to pursue Alfred. There was no way that Alfred would find him attractive enough for anything more than a quick fuck, like everyone else. And Alfred was too kind, too proper to do anything like that, so he’d only feel guilty for having to reject Arthur. And Arthur knew that this wasn’t a simple case of lust for the American – he didn’t just want Alfred’s cock. He wanted Alfred’s strong hands, his protective embrace, his warmth, the way he made Arthur feel safe and worth something. But he wasn’t silly enough to hope for it.

Eventually he had to emerge from the bathroom. Arthur found his wallet and pulled out half of what Alfred had spent that night. “Here,” he offered, subdued. “I said I’d pay you back.”

Alfred isn't convinced with that answer. If anything it made him more worried. He had been around Arthur long enough to know when the man was in a bad mood and this seemed to be one of those times.

Alfred had just finished slipping on his boxers when Arthur came out of the bathroom. When he grabs his wallet though Alfred frowns and crosses his arms. "Oh no, I told you I was going to pay for it and I did. I'm not going to take your money." Alfred says sternly. Honestly, two could play in his stubborn battle. He swiftly turns his back to pull at the sheets on his bed, ready to slide in and get some sleep.

He pauses though thinking now is as good a time as ever to try. Now that they are alone he wonders how Arthur will react. "Hey..Arthur." He turns around a bit so that he is half facing him. "Can..Can I have a goodnight kiss?"

“I want to pay you back. It’s not as if—” this was a date, his mind supplied, but Arthur froze when he heard Alfred’s request. “A kiss?” he repeated. He hadn’t anticipated this move. Of all the things that could have happened after they got back, this was the one route that Arthur hadn’t allowed himself to imagine. “B-but… why would you want to kiss me?”

As soon as he said it he felt his face flush bright red. That was a stupid question, and one that he already knew the answer to. He liked guys and was readily available. That was enough of a reason to choose someone to test your homosexuality on, wasn’t it? But why did Alfred request a goodnight kiss? Hadn’t they already kissed enough for Alfred to know whether he truly liked guys or not?

He looked at the ground, unaware that his face was quickly paling and carried a stricken expression. Did Alfred know? Was he mocking Arthur for even imagining that he could somehow stand a chance? For imagining that somehow, Alfred would want someone like him? “I… I…” his throat closed up and he met Alfred’s eyes, his own green eyes huge and vulnerable. “Please don’t mock me,” he whispered, staring at Alfred as if betrayed. “I won’t bring it up or approach you like that again, so please…”

"And I wanted to pay for dinner. So there." Alfred responds in a rather childish manner.

"Why would I want to kiss you?" Alfred asks looking confused. What on earth was Arthur talking about. "For the same reason we practically made out in the car." Unless Arthur had other reasons for sticking his tongue in his mouth.

He watches his partners face change colors from bright red to white and almost though that he was going to be sick again or pass out. That couldn't be a good sign really. What Arthur says next though has Alfred's heart sinking somewhere down into his feet. "Mock you? What are you talking about?" That look Arthur was giving him was painful. Oh god, had he really done something wrong. He couldn't stand the thought of never kissing Arthur again now. Not when he'd come so far.

"But why?" Alfred asks, his voice coming out a tad more hysterical then he had tried to keep in. All the hopefullness of the evening that had built up in Alfred was coming down fast and it hurt.

‘For the same reason’? Arthur wrapped his arms around his abdomen as if cradling it after being struck. And he felt like it too: his stomach hurt and he felt like he was going to vomit. He felt feverish, too, as if he couldn’t concentrate on anything except Alfred’s words which echoed in his head. Alfred had known. He’d known what he was doing, he’d deliberately been experimenting and Arthur had allowed him, yes, but he hadn’t wanted it to be brought up so brazenly, or for it to happen more than once…

“Please, just stop,” he whimpered, hating how weak he sounded. He was a grown man, a police officer, but suddenly he felt oh so very young and inexperienced. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you, and I’m sorry, but please… I don’t expect anything.” He clapped his hands desperately over his ears. Alfred’s voice was hurt and accusing and he couldn’t bear to listen to it. “Yes, I have very unprofessional feelings towards you but I don’t expect any reciprocation from you and I know that I’m not good enough and I know that you don’t feel anything for someone like me so please, don’t give me false hope by asking for more.” His voice came out rushed and panicked and he almost didn’t know what he was saying anymore. Arthur’s chest felt tight and he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t draw in enough breath to just handle the situation like an adult.

He didn’t dare to look at Alfred and he kept his hands firmly over his ears. “It’s all right, it’s all right, if you want to keep trying things out then okay, I can do that for you, just please don’t let me think that it means anything to you when it really doesn’t.” His voice was quickly rising but he couldn’t control it anymore, so he clamped his eyes shut as well and unsuccessfully tried to stop his shaking.

Alfred grew increasingly concerned at the pained look on Arthur's face. He reaches a hand out but pulls it back quickly at the request to stop. Stop what? What had he done that was so bad?

As Arthur continues to speak Alfred's expression changed though from uncertain fear and worry to a sort of dawning in realization. He steps forwards again and takes Arthur's wrists, as lightly as he can with getting his point across and tugging them away from the man's ears even though he's rather sure he could still hear anyways. He wants to make sure he hears what he has to say next. "Not good enough you say? I guess I haven't been very honest either, or maybe just not clear enough." He tries to keep his voice steady but it's a hard task when all these things are clashing in front of him.

"Arthur...Arthur what did you think that was? Back in the car? Because you should know me by now. If I didn't want to kiss you I wouldn't have." He gives a half smile trying to bring some lighter humor to the situation. " I thought..it was obvious when I said I thought I liked guys. Your the only guy I've been around like that so.." Alfred looks off to the side, cheeks reddening. He was still having a hard time saying it, even now. "So who do you think made me even think about that in the first place."

Arthur struggled slightly when Alfred tried to pull his hands away from his ears, but ultimately found that he just didn’t have the energy. He hung his head limply and waited to be shouted at for wanting more, to be told that he was stupid and disgusting and why would Alfred ever, ever consider someone like him? His knees felt like they were going to buckle at any moment and he sniffled, even though his eyes remained dry. He had lived through far too much disappointment and hurt to cry about this, he tried to tell himself.

When Alfred asked about the occurrence in the car, Arthur sighed softly and said numbly, “that was you… experimenting. Making sure that you like men, before you go off pursuing anyone. And I should have stopped you, only I wanted it, I was selfish and wanted it and let it happen and now I’m being stupid because I have no reason to be upset.”

He fell silent to listen to the rest of what Alfred had to say. “How am I supposed to know who you’re thinking about?” he snapped then, because being angry was better than being so devastated, knowing that Alfred already had his eye on someone yet still decided to experiment on Arthur. He tried to jerk away from Alfred but found the American’s grip too strong. “How am I supposed to know who made you like men?! That has nothing to do with me, does it! It’s not like this matters, let go of me, let go!”